Oncology appointment. Before meeting with the oncologist I was given homework to complete and to send back to his office.
The very last question was around the level of disclosure. I was to state the level of information I would appreciate eg., full, frank and open discussion or would there be issues I would not be ready to discuss yet?
Me being me stated I wanted full, frank and open - you know grab the bull by the freaking horns and let's just get on with the damned thing.
One hour and ten minutes later I now have more decisions to make. The only upside to that is that I have more time to raise $80k should I choose the full 12 month course of Herceptin.
Yes I am weighing up my options as to whether I wish to risk heart failure and some other 'lovely stuff' if I complete the full 12 month course or the 50/50 chance of cancer not reoccuring. Of course the biggest downside to that is that should it reoccur within 10 years it comes back more aggressive and it will be just a matter of time...
I'm a fighter and I won't have statistics dictate my life.
I need to make the right decision for myself, accept and live with it with no regrets either way. I will be getting down on my knees regularly to do some real soul searching and to find that inner peace that I require for this one.
Tonight I didn't turn on the Christmas tree lights.
Note to self: life must continue on as normal as possible.