I first told my chillens on Sunday 21 October that cancer would never be an excuse to give up nor did cancer deserve pity.
My oldest took me to hospital the first time round when I got sick after chemo.
He called in sick at work that day advising his supervisor that he was in hospital with me.
The next day when he got back to work the ladies asked after me. My son replied that I was still in hospital. Naturally they asked him if I was okay.
My son replied very matter of fact 'oh she has cancer' and then continued on with his job. Mouths just dropped. They had no idea.
When I got home from hospital I thought I would sleep for the rest of the week. After 2 days of sleeping my son sat at the edge of my bed and told me quite sternly that I couldn't sleep the rest of my life away so I was to get up and he was taking me to the zoo for a couple of hours.
I got up quite embarrassed, dressed and enjoyed an afternoon at the zoo.
While tackling the chemo effects one time I told my younger son out of frustration over the fatigue and body pains that I really hated my life at that moment. He told me off and said that I would need to be positive to get through that moment. It turned into a lecture and again I was embarrased with my outburst.
My girls have also put me back on track on days where I could have shut the whole world out of my room and slept on reminding me that I wasn't to let the cancer or chemo get the better of me.
One day daughter 2 came home with a programme that had been offered to her.
The programme provided a counsel like service for troubled and/ or traumatised teenagers. She asked me why I thought they gave it to her. I replied it would be because I have cancer.
She looked at me like really that is not a good enough excuse and then walked off to make herself a hot chocolate still baffled. The pamphlet lay around the house for a couple of days ignored and then I binned it.
Parents with cancer your acceptance of your diagnosis, your positive attitude about your life, your open conversations and discussions about how you are feeling at any given time and your love of life because of them certainly helps the healing process.
My gals, Denae (left) & Kendra
My boyz, Grayson (left) and Kroydon
Showing posts with label Family Affairs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Affairs. Show all posts
21 May 2008
12 January 2008
The cruellest conversation
No one and nothing can ever prepare you for when you have to tell your children. My husband pleaded with me after my diagnosis to tell our children sooner rather than later. When I finally I brought myself to have one of the cruellest conversations a parent ever has to have with their children everything I rehearsed went out the window.
Sunday, 21 October 07.
When the father of your children is seated next to you, unable to contain his tears and you see the look of confusion and concern on their faces, the task ahead is near impossible.
I search for something in their eyes and to this day I have no idea what it was I was searching for, possibly an easy way out.
"I have to go away for a while to have an operation."
In unison my children ask why. After what seems like an eternity I said, "I have breast cancer."
Grayson looked at me and said, "oh gay mum" (another teenage saying that makes no sense however I understand). Tearfully I look at him, wishing that I was joking, and tell him that I'm being serious. Tears of shock, astonishment, bewilderment, fear and some hurtful monents of silence later Grayson asks me "Will you have cancer forever mum?"
My heart goes out to all mothers who would one day have to have the cruellest conversations ever to be had with their child or children. I was open, honest and positive.
Sunday, 21 October 07.
When the father of your children is seated next to you, unable to contain his tears and you see the look of confusion and concern on their faces, the task ahead is near impossible.
I search for something in their eyes and to this day I have no idea what it was I was searching for, possibly an easy way out.
"I have to go away for a while to have an operation."
In unison my children ask why. After what seems like an eternity I said, "I have breast cancer."
Grayson looked at me and said, "oh gay mum" (another teenage saying that makes no sense however I understand). Tearfully I look at him, wishing that I was joking, and tell him that I'm being serious. Tears of shock, astonishment, bewilderment, fear and some hurtful monents of silence later Grayson asks me "Will you have cancer forever mum?"
What he really meant was, was I dying?
I was honest and told him that I really didn't know (which of course I really didn't know much about treatment) but assured them all that they would be kept in the loop but only if they wanted to know.
The silent tears told me that it was enough information for now.
Telling my children early on in the piece protected them from finding out from someone else which could have caused more heartbreak. Talking to them individually on a regular basis helps me gage where they at with 'mum's breast cancer'.
They are not perfect but they are fantastic children. They are the reasons why I get up in the mornings and why I won't give up hope.
I was honest and told him that I really didn't know (which of course I really didn't know much about treatment) but assured them all that they would be kept in the loop but only if they wanted to know.
The silent tears told me that it was enough information for now.
Telling my children early on in the piece protected them from finding out from someone else which could have caused more heartbreak. Talking to them individually on a regular basis helps me gage where they at with 'mum's breast cancer'.
They are not perfect but they are fantastic children. They are the reasons why I get up in the mornings and why I won't give up hope.
My heart goes out to all mothers who would one day have to have the cruellest conversations ever to be had with their child or children. I was open, honest and positive.
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